The Tension Between Fixing and Letting Go: A Path to Peace

Many of us feel a deep-seated urge to fix things. Whether it’s a difficult situation at work, a strained relationship, or a family member’s challenges, the instinct to “make things right” often feels overwhelming. This drive can be especially strong for those who want to be compassionate, responsible, or are deeply rooted in their faith. But what happens when the pressure to fix everything becomes too much? How do we balance our need for action with the peace that comes from acceptance and letting go?

It's helpful to explores the tension between wanting to fix things and learning to let go, and learn insights on how to find peace through acceptance and trust.

1. The Pressure to Fix: Root Causes and Realities

The desire to “fix” is often rooted in love, care, and responsibility. Many of us have been taught that it’s our duty to help others, to make situations better, and to be the ones who find solutions. For those who hold strong faith or cultural beliefs, this desire can feel even more pressing, as there’s a deep sense of compassion and responsibility toward others, particularly when it comes to family and community.

But sometimes, this urge to fix everything can become overwhelming. It can lead us to take on burdens that aren’t ours to carry, resulting in stress, anxiety, and burnout. As a therapist working with women and families, I often see this dynamic at play. A client may come to me feeling worn out from constantly trying to “make things better,” whether it’s trying to heal a family dynamic, solve a partner’s issues, or meet everyone’s emotional needs.

The challenge becomes clear: when we believe it’s our job to fix everything, we lose sight of what’s actually within our control—and what isn’t.

2. The Dangers of "Fixing" Everything

Trying to fix everything can take a significant toll on our mental, emotional, and even physical well-being. It can lead to burnout, feelings of inadequacy, and frustration. The more we try to control or solve problems that are outside our influence, the more we may feel like failures when things don’t go as planned.

This dynamic is especially common for those who hold themselves to high standards. People who feel the weight of responsibility may internalize their inability to fix a situation as a personal failure. This can lead to a cycle of guilt, shame, and increasing stress. Over time, the need to fix becomes a never-ending source of anxiety, and we begin to forget that it’s okay not to have all the answers.

For example, I’ve worked with clients who struggle with family dynamics. A parent might feel responsible for their children’s choices, even when those choices are beyond their control. This sense of responsibility can become suffocating. When the “fixing” mindset persists, it can trap someone in a cycle of stress ahelplessness.

3. The Healing Power of Acceptance and Letting Go

This is where the power of acceptance and letting go comes in. Letting go doesn’t mean giving up—it means acknowledging that we can’t control everything, and that’s okay. Letting go is about trust, faith, and releasing the need to manage outcomes that are outside of our control. It’s about allowing life to unfold without constantly feeling the need to shape it into something different.

From a psychological perspective, acceptance reduces anxiety and fosters inner peace. When we accept that some things are beyond our control, we allow ourselves to breathe, to rest, and to step away from the endless pressure to “fix” everything. It can create a space for healing to begin, as we give ourselves permission to simply be.

Spiritually, our faith aids in acceptance and letting go. Faith invites us to trust God's will as we surrender our worries and self-reliance. These are gentle reminders that we don’t need to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. We can trust that God is at work, even in situations where we can’t see the solution immediately.

For many of my clients, surrendering control is a profound step toward healing. It’s not about inaction, but about allowing God’s wisdom and timing to guide their journey. By releasing the need to “fix,” they create space for healing to take place in ways they may not have expected.

4. Finding the Balance: When to Act, When to Let Go

The challenge is not just about letting go of control—it’s about finding a balance between action and acceptance. There are certainly times when we are called to take action. Whether it’s setting boundaries, seeking help, or making necessary changes, there are moments when “fixing” is the right thing to do. But there are also times when we need to recognize that we’ve done all we can, and the rest is in the hands of time, others, or God.

The key is discernment. How do we know when to act and when to let go? One way to approach this is through mindfulness and reflection. Mindfulness helps us become more aware of our emotions, thoughts, and the underlying motivations behind our desire to fix something. When we pause and reflect, we may recognize that we are trying to control outcomes that are beyond our reach.

In therapy, I often guide clients through this process of discernment. They may ask themselves questions like:

• Is this something I can change, or is it outside of my control?

• What would it look like to let go of this situation?

• What can I do to care for myself while I trust the process?

• What may be motivating me to try to fix this situation?

For example, a woman may realize that while she can set boundaries with a toxic relative, she can’t change that relative’s behavior. Letting go doesn’t mean giving up on the relationship; it means releasing the need to control how the other person reacts and accepting that they may not change.

5. Spiritual Insights on Letting Go

Incorporating spirituality into this process of letting go can be incredibly grounding. Spiritual reading, journaling, and spiritual direction are three elements that provide many clients with perspective and new ideas on different situations. Often these views can allow us to understand how God may be guiding us in ways we may not have imagined.

Additionally, the practice of prayer can be a powerful tool in releasing control. Prayer is an opportunity to express our concerns, ask for guidance, and then trust that God is listening and will provide what we need. This trust doesn’t negate action—it simply helps us align our actions with a sense of peace, knowing that we’re not in this alone.

6. Practical Steps to Let Go and Trust the Process

So, how can we begin to let go of the need to fix everything? Here are some practical steps that can help:

• Mindfulness: Start by observing your thoughts and feelings. Are you trying to control an outcome or situation that is beyond your influence? Take a moment to breathe and acknowledge what’s truly in your control.

• Set Boundaries: Understand the difference between what’s your responsibility and what isn’t. Setting emotional and physical boundaries can help you preserve your energy and focus on what you can influence.

• Pray or Meditate: Connect with your spiritual practice. Ask for clarity, guidance, and peace. Surrender your worries and trust in the process.

• Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Letting go doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re trusting in the timing of life and the wisdom of your journey.

The tension between wanting to fix everything and letting go can be a profound challenge. But learning to accept what’s beyond our control and trusting the process can bring us the peace we’re often seeking. When we release the need to control every outcome, we make room for growth, healing, and a deeper sense of peace. Whether through therapy, spiritual practice, or self-reflection, the journey toward letting go is one of trust, grace, and ultimately, freedom.